How To Make Millions: Workers Party style

The day Workers Party peeps made Parliament shit

I rubbed my eyes at the headline “Parliament passes motion calling for WP’s Sylvia Lim, Low Thia Khiang to be recused from AHTC’s financial affairs”

Lol these 2 jokers really made Parliament shit in their pants, for getting away for 8 years and $33.7 million paid to cronies FMSS and FMSI.

What a spending spree.

Out from AhPek Town Council, into FMSS pockets.

Yea I know I long time no blog, you miss me?

Must take my hat off to Sylvia and LTK, these ppl really champion, can beat those YouTube DIY get rich ads.

How to make millions, WP style?

Ownself appoint ownself

Ownself appoint own friends to run town council, then own friends appoint own company to be managing agent.

Pay ownself $33.7m, better than Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

Suck the town council funds dry, coz easy money.

If these 2 jokers did what they did in a private company, they’d be fired man.

Buah bodoh

If you fail your math exam, best is better lose the exam paper.

No paper trail is the best hor? The money also dunno go where.

If no one knows what talking you, maybe they give up?

Divert, distract, discount, anything to siam.

I must learn the next time I quarrel with my wife. Point to the star, the moon, the haze, sure confuzz her one.

Passive aggressive FTW

You know what flooring is? You lie like a plank on the floor and refuse to move.

Classic stalling technique, hopefully people get sianz of AhPek news.

Better still, make PAP the culprit for dragging up old shit. Kill 2 birds.

Gives new meaning to passive income.

Cry victim

Already guilty of breaching your fiduciary duty, then still wanna argue about recuse.

Take a break lah, if your accounting not good, then why you wanna continue?

Don’t give gov more reason to be scared of returning our CPF, don’t sabo us leh.

If your accounting really damn zai, go clear your name at the appeal. One of you is a lawyer right, if you’re innocent show how innocent you are la.

Wah piang I think this is the longest blog I wrote.

 

 

 

 

Dr Koh Poh Koon and the case of the Red Jungle Fowl

When you thought the saga of AVA culling of chickens after some idiot complained was almost over, Dr Koh Poh Koon of the how-to-use-trolley-ah incident revived this topic by saying:

The chickens in Sin Ming, and in most of our urban settings, are highly unlikely to be of native stock and are therefore different from our indigenous breed of red junglefowl, which is an endangered species known to occur only in Pulau Ubin and the Western Catchment area.

They were brought in by humans at some point, perhaps to be raised as pets

Even better still, Dr Koh said the chickens could not be relocated because we shouldn’t screw up the genetics of the native species of red jungle fowl.

ST

Hello, a species has a better chance of survival via inter-breeding than inbreeding.

Anyway, Louis Ng, self-proclaimed animal defender and part-time odd job freelancer, didn’t buy the location-is-key argument, telling Dr Koh in parl-speak not to bullshit:

I have seen the photos of the chickens or some of them at Sin Ming, they are indeed the red jungle fowl.

There are two birds there, the domestic chickens and the red jungle fowl.

Just to clarify because AVA had mentioned earlier that the free ranging chickens seen on mainland Singapore are not the red jungle fowl.

That statement is inaccurate.”

Dr Koh swiftly deflected faster than you can say “Koon-by-the-wind” back to AVA:

As to whether the birds that were running around are the red jungle fowl or just the foreign species, I think AVA will have to conduct genetic studies to determine or maybe get the experts to ascertain.

So I think this is the point that is difficult for us to ascertain the truth just by speaking like this in this House.”

Like that might as well don’t say anything because you haven’t even confirmed the chicken before egging yourself in the face.

What-when-how.com

Yakult and the Case of Syonan-to

Aiyoh… You government peeps, how can you name a gallery after Singapore’s cursed past as a spoils of war?

It reeks of victim-shaming and hypocrisy, especially since Singapore also kaopeh when Indonesia named their warship after two marines who bombed MacDonald House in Singapore.

After such a shitty week of trees falling, signboards crashing, S&CC price increase, PAP childcare teacher elbowing, and simmering public anger over dead birds, then Syonan Gallery… 

CNA

You cannot buy good PR, but so easy to get bad PR.

The goodwill over your HPB kungfu CNY is completely spent aye!

Lucky you got a Minister Yakult to say sorry and rename the gallery, or you can say goodbye to 70%.

Can say sorry to rising S&CC too? 

Ng Chee Meng and the case of the cleaner comic

Oh my, Education Minister, what values were you trying to highlight?

Oh by the way, here’s the actual comic.

If only netizens had read his Facebook blurb carefully, and scrolled to view the bottom half of the comic.

Sometimes no matter what you say, if people don’t get the full context, just move on, or just be more specific.

So if you think telling children they will become a cleaner is inculcating bad values, say so lah!

Chan Chun Sing and the case of Madam President

In what is being termed as a Freudian slip, Kee Chiu Chan Chun Sing addressed Speaker Halimah Yacob as “Madam President”.

Image from sgag

Imagine LHL saying: Hello, it’s “Madam Speaker”!! WTF are you doing?

But I wouldn’t be surprised if Kee Chiu’s rooting for Halimah, after all both are from the NTUC yes?

But I wouldn’t go so far as to conclude she’ll be President, just look at what happened to the last person to be (almost) called Madam President.

Image from Time

Both Hillary and Halimah have the support of the unions behind them, and could be the first female presidents.

This will only happen IF Halimah even makes the cutoff of managing an organisation worth at least half a freaking billion dollars in shareholders capital).

Was it a slip of the tongue, or a deliberate inception?

Imagine, with just 2 words (or 1 word since it’s same word “President”), Kee Chiu single-handedly created an online storm AND marked Halimah as first to come to your mind when thinking of a potential Malay Presidential candidate.

Now that’s some freaking serious productive shit.

The pussy killer who was a pussy

A nutcase baited an innocent cat with food, took a lift to the 6th storey, then hurled it over the ledge.

Seeing the cat survived, he then slammed the injured cat until it died.

Image from Stomp

This fucker, remember his name Fajar Ashraf Fajar Ali, 25, told investigators he had committed the various acts as he was frustrated cats did not want to go near him.

If cats don’t fucking like you, that’s because they know you’re a pussy who needs to kill cats to get high.

Image from Stomp

If you’re a coward who can’t deal with rejection, say so lah!

Surbana and the case of the “poor” performers

Surbana CEO had a blast of a time airing his alpha male personality in an email condemning a group of retrenched staff as “poor performers”.

This is what Mr Wong Heang I-am-so-Fine said:

“How can we be the best in class and build a great organisation when employees are not concerned with how they are performing relative to their peers?

More importantly, for those of us who want to do great things, why should our rewards be affected by a small group of colleagues who don’t care about how their poor performance affects our performance negatively?

We cannot allow our 1 per cent of poor performers to continue to affect the rest of the 99 per cent of staff who are performing.”

 

What he meant:

I don’t like managing you morons so get the hell out of here. And by the way, I’m gonna tell everyone it’s all your fault because (tosses head) I am so Fine.

 

Well… A public rebuke just invites another, from no less than Mr Upturn the Downturn himself, who said:

“I do not find it acceptable. If the performance of employees are not up to mark, there could be contributing factors on the part of employers as well.

Yes, it may be a poor performance in one organisation. But it does not mean that a person cannot do well in other places.”

Aka… don’t be a dick. 

 

Surbana released a statement yesterday:

“We have resolved the matter fairly and amicably with the unions. We are currently reviewing our performance management processes to improve the system, including communicating with our employees more frequently.”

 

Surbana, you really kena, why didn’t you do this in the first place and save yourself a bit of face?

If you’re sorry about bad-mouthing your staff to the whole world, say so lah!

Shit people say

What is this blog about? It’s about shit people say, or should have said in the first place.

Hence… SAY SO LAH!

Language is a tricky thing. Say too much also kena, say nothing also kena.

There isn’t any shortage of examples, let’s see how many we can find.